One
by A-Karana
Summary: “I can see what you are seeing, feel what you are feeling and hear what you are thinking,” Lorelai’s frantic voice replied. I’m losing my mind, they thought and said at the same moment and Luke’s body shuddered in horror. “Oh god!” they both exclaimed.
1. Prologue

**One **

**Summary: They ****don't realize that their lives are intricately linked, but after a fight they are forced to see each other with a whole new perspective **

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Transcripts taken from Gilmore Girls Episode 4.4

A/N: Singing a Blondie song in my head as I write this chapter: One way or another, I'm gonna find ya, I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha….

Thanks to the amazing Grizzly for betaing! Without her this story would still be an idea and nothing more

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**Prologue:**

The stupid tickets for the Yankees game rubbed it in that he was alone again and had failed once again to keep a steady relationship with a woman.

That seemed to be his destiny. The women he dated never stayed for too long since he couldn't feel the same way about them as they felt about him and of course that didn't go unnoticed. Not by Rachel and not by Nicole.

The woman he wanted though, wanted so much that he would marry her in a flash without ever regretting it, never looked at him twice. He was her friend, her shoulder to cry on and the guy who fed her, nothing more and nothing less. He had never grown used to burying his feelings for her, but she didn't seem to notice.

Now he was even her personal answering machine, while she ran around and worked like crazy to build her own Inn. She had handed out his phone number and now everyone was calling him leaving messages for her. He wouldn't mind at all doing this if she were his wife, or girlfriend at least. But being only her friend, he had to complain about it even if only to not tip anyone off about his feelings for her.

_Here she comes_, he thought when she entered the diner and sat down on her chair by the counter. She even had her own chair.

"Hey, Luke. What's going on?" she asked and smiled happily at him. He decided to get his rant out of the way, so that his anger would be more believable.

"Oh, well. . .Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be 4,000. Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be 4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be 4,000. Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores, so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse, and, oh, one last thing - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!" he barked at her, with an ironic undertone at the beginning of his rant. However she didn't seem to mind at all. If anything it just amused her, he could see it in her eyes.

"Sorry," she apologized, but without really meaning it, because she knew he wasn't really angry.

"What did you do, have business cards printed up?" he asked in annoyance.

"People just know I'm here a lot," she grinned. He went on about a missed call from his meat guy and she promised to tell people to stop calling her at the diner, which he knew she wouldn't, because in the next second she asked for a package delivery.

They were interrupted by Ed, who had come to pick up the cards for the Yankees game Luke had offered him and that made him really angry. It annoyed him that he would be alone again, with no one as a distraction from the woman he really wanted but would never have.

Of course Lorelai noticed his bad mood and called him on it, inviting him to a movie night at her house to make him feel better. And of course it worked. Luke caught himself wishing this was a date, but at the same time knew that it wasn't.

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When Luke finally arrived for the movie night Lorelai was excited. It was nothing new for them to be spending time together, but they had never done anything that could be considered as a date- if he weren't married and she were to like him as more than a friend, which she didn't, she reassured herself.

"Ah, man bearing bags of food. Come in," she greeted him happily.

"I went a little overboard here," he replied as he followed her into the living-room, where he spotted the food she had ordered from Al's and started to complain about it. For the umpteenth time she explained the concept of leftovers to him and fetched them some beers, before she could finally explain the movie night rules to him.

"You can't squish during the movie because it's distracting. That's rule number one," she started and had to hide her smile when she saw Luke's confused face.

"There's rules?" he asked and made it clear that he once again thought she was crazy.

"Oh, yeah, especially for a true classic like _Casablanca_. It's not like we're watching a there's-nothing-else-on movie or a guilty pleasure like _Hardbodies_. Oh, my God. Have you seen _Hardbodies_?" she became sidetracked.

"I don't think so," he shook his head while he opened the containers with the burgers.

"Three middle-aged guys rent a beach house and they hire this young local stud to introduce them to cute girls, a.k.a. _Hardbodies_," she explained and looked at him expectantly.

"Let's see that," he shrugged.

"No, Luke, we're seeing "_Casablanca_"," she disagreed.

"Then let's see that," he shrugged again and really didn't care what movie they watched.

"Okay, the rest of the rules - no talking during the movie. No exceptions during a true classic. And minimize distraction. You know, no shifting around a lot, no phone calls, nothing. No going to the bathroom. If you go, you miss the movie 'cause we're not pausing the movie. That's the only way to get the flow of the thing, okay?" she asked.

"Fair enough," he agreed reluctantly.

"Okay. Here we go," she finally said and pushed the play-button to start the movie.

"What's that?" Luke asked after a second and pointed with his chin in the direction of the screen.

"Okay, um. . .A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before?" Lorelai said shocked and amused at the same time. This was unbelievable!

"It's new to me."

"Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk," she laughed, amused by this typical Luke ignorance.

"Just start it up. I won't talk again," he said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay, just one more warning," she started with a teasing undertone in her voice, "when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen," she informed him, just to tease him.

"Hit the button," Luke said sternly and she giggled and started the movie again.

They watched the movie in relative silence until Rory called, only disturbed once when Luke complained about her staring at him, watching him watch the movie. They bickered back and forth until the phone rang and Rory complained about her bad date.

Without even thinking about it for a second Lorelai told Luke what was wrong with Rory and her date. It didn't occur to her that he wouldn't be interested or that Rory would be embarrassed that he knew about her date. She just knew that Luke wanted to know and she was sure that it was just as normal for Rory to tell Luke things like that. Rory only said thanks when Lorelai called her back to tell her about Luke's idea about how to change sides of the table without making it too obvious that she was uncomfortable.

"I wouldn't trade places with her for the world," Luke said when she hung up the phone again.

"Really? You wouldn't want to go out with a boy named Trevor? You might want to wait and see his picture," she teased him.

"I mean dating. It's a horror," he explained.

"It's the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet," Lorelai replied.

"I missed nothing by not dating," Luke said and Lorelai looked surprised.

"Not true," she said.

"If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single. I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma's," he disagreed.

"Yeah, but dating is how you get to know your potential partner. It's the only way," Lorelai said sounding just a tad sad, which didn't go unnoticed by Luke.

"There's the gut. I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone within seconds of meeting them. I feel it here. I felt it with Rachel. I felt it with Nicole. I was immediately relaxed," he said and relaxed against the back of the couch, making it obvious without saying it that he was really comfortable with Lorelai as well.

"You've got the gut thing," she nodded and noticed how relaxed he looked.

"Well, it's just knowing that someone will let you be. That's a gut thing," he said and fast forwarded the movie, which made her protest. However the rules hadn't been abided by tonight anyway so she got up and went into the kitchen. When the phone rang Luke didn't even think about it and just answered it, flinching when Emily Gilmore was on the other end. After another round of bickering, he sat down on the couch and watched Lorelai talk to her mother, waiting until they could continue the movie.

They started Hardbodies after Casablanca, but Luke fell asleep in the middle of the film. His head was resting against the back of the couch at a weird angle so Lorelai re-adjusted his position and covered him with a pink blanket.

She looked down at him, overcome by a sudden tenderness. Seeing this tall, burly man asleep on her couch touched her. He looked so peaceful while he lay there and she couldn't resist and touched his cheek with her hand, stroking over his stubble and brushing a strand of hair from his forehead before she pulled her hand away.

She crouched down next to the couch and stared at him. She couldn't bring herself to avert her eyes. She always knew that she felt a connection with him and cared about him, but it had never been more obvious to her than right at this moment. She stroked his cheek again and touched his lips with her thumb, smiling when he sighed in contentment.

Suddenly he opened his eyes and looked at her. Their eyes met in an instant and she couldn't look away. Her hand was still caressing his cheek and their faces were not more than an inch apart. They both felt the intense connection they shared and it felt like their hearts were beating in the same rhythm, their eyes communicating without words.

As she leaned in to kiss him, Lorelai suddenly felt scared of the intense feelings that seemed to flood her without a warning. She had never felt something like this before.

Luke's eyes were wide in anticipation. He had waited so long for this moment and tried to wake up faster. He pinched his own thigh to make sure he wasn't dreaming. She hadn't even kissed him yet and he already felt ecstatic, exhilarated, exited… he wasn't sure if a word existed for what he was feeling. He had never felt something like this before, not with Rachel and not with Nicole. _Nicole! _his brain suddenly screamed, he was still married!

Lorelai could see the sudden panic in his eyes and the blue turned a shade lighter. She couldn't think of anything else that would justify this feeling than that he didn't want to kiss her. What was she doing? She was molesting one of her best friends while he was sleeping.

With a gasp Lorelai pulled back, shocked by her own actions. What had come over her that she wanted to kiss Luke? Had she lost her mind? She couldn't be that sexually frustrated, otherwise she wouldn't have refused Digger's multiple invitations.

Jason was sending her flowers every day and she wouldn't go out on a date with him and Luke was just sleeping on her couch and she wanted to jump him. What was wrong with her? She was so angry at herself that she wanted to slap herself.

Lorelai's gasp was like a cold shower for Luke and he saw her pulling back before anger clouded her eyes. Why was she angry at him now?

"God, Lorelai," he yelled suddenly. He was angry at her for teasing him like this. Why was she doing this? Did she think that was funny? Couldn't she see that he had feelings for her? For years now she pretended to be oblivious to his feelings for. She was teasing him and flirting with him, but in the end she always dated other guys; that Max guy, the fisherman Alex, that stupid kid from her business-class and not to forget Christopher. Christopher, the name alone made his stomach clench painfully.

Lorelai's defense mechanism kicked in immediately and she yelled back at him "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked and got off the couch.

"I am not doing anything. What are you talking about?" she wanted to know and placed her hands on her hips. She couldn't let him hurt her now.

"What I am talking about? I wake up and you are nearly kissing me! I am married for god's sake," he said, also to remind himself again.

"Yeah, and what a great marriage it is!" she snorted and ignored his comment about the kiss.

"What?" he asked loudly.

"Getting married while you're drunk and as soon as you're sober again you're getting a divorce? That is not a marriage! You are not married! You are getting divorced!" she replied louder with every word.

"What do you know about marriage? If I remember correctly you bolted two days before the ceremony. So don't you dare to judge me or my marriage," he yelled.

"It wouldn't have worked with Max and me. I protected us both from making a big mistake!" she yelled back.

"Yeah, you're the right person talking about protection," he snorted angrily.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She was furious now. How dare he pass judgment on her because she hadn't married Max?

"I'm just saying that getting pregnant at sixteen doesn't say much about your knowledge about protection!" The moment the words left his mouth he knew that this was a low blow, but he couldn't stop himself. She had hurt him and now he had to hurt her, he couldn't help himself.

Lorelai felt like he had slapped her. She stared at him and couldn't believe that one of her best friends thought so little of her that he would throw the pregnancy in her face.

"Get out of my house," she hissed and closed her eyes for a second to hide the hurt reflected there. However Luke was too furious to notice anything. The hurt of her continued rejection ran too deep and he just had to get out of there.

"Gladly!" he said in a dangerously low voice, stomped out of the house and slammed the door shut behind him.

Lorelai couldn't believe what had just happened. Pain spread through her chest and made her gasp for air. They weren't a couple, had never been one and yet this was more painful than any breakup she'd had to endure in her life. It felt like he had taken a part of her with him, had ripped it right out of her and left her behind without looking back.

Why did Luke think so badly of her? Luke, of all people…

She couldn't understand what had just happened, so she trudged up the stairs and not even bothering to switch off the TV. She lay down on her bed but couldn't even cry. It hurt too badly to cry and she had to concentrate on breathing. After a while she fell into a deep sleep, the hurt draining all of her energy away.

Like a badly injured person she needed to sleep, only sleep.

However hurt wasn't the only thing Luke had left behind.

**TBC**


	2. Shock

**A/N:** I decided to post this now to get the story started. Some of you might make the connection to a certain book, but I can assure you: No aliens, no science experiments and no Dopeys in here.

Thank you for your reviews!

Thanks to **Grizzly **for betaing. You rock!

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**Chapter 1: Shock**

When Luke woke up the next morning he immediately knew that something was different. He heard the beeping sound of the alarm clock and part of him wanted to turn it off, but another part of him didn't seem awake enough to even move. It was strange for him that shutting off the alarm seemed like such a hard thing to do.

For the last 20 years his alarm went off every morning at a quarter to five and every morning he would hear the alarm, roll over and turn it off before he sat up, stretched and yawned, rubbing his hands over his face to wipe the sleep away. Then he usually walked over to the kitchen counter and started the water heater, which he had filled with water the night before.

He would take a shower and when he came back into the kitchen the water would have just cooled down enough to drink his tea without burning his tongue.

He wondered if he was getting sick, and slowly rubbed his forehead with the back of his right hand, trying to rub away the numbness that seemed to have his brain in a vice grip. He couldn't really focus on anything and just turning the alarm off seemed like an impossible effort. He felt like he was caught in his sleeping body.

He asked himself if this were the aftershocks of the horrible fight with Lorelai the evening before. After she had thrown him out of her house he had been too upset to go straight home and had wandered around town. He had sat down on the bridge by the lake and had stared out at the water. He had tried to make sense of his feelings and his thoughts but everything was just one big mess and he couldn't think straight.

So he had gone back to his apartment and the feeling of grief had settled slowly in his heart, while his gut had told him to stay angry, because using anger as a self protection mechanism was the only thing that could help him now.

He had gone to bed a lot later than he usually did and had doubted that he would be able to sleep at all. However his thoughts had stopped the moment he had closed his eyes and he had fallen into a deep sleep.

He forced himself to sit up and the bed spring of his old single bed creaked under his weight. He always wondered why the creaking didn't wake him up at night, but he must have grown used to it over the years. The bed had creaked since he'd rebuilt it after Rachel moved out. He just couldn't sleep in the big bed alone and Liz's old bed had been in perfect shape up in the attic.

He moved his arm to finally turn off the shrill beeping sound blaring from the alarm-clock. He stretched his arms and yawned widely, squeezing his eyes shut for another second. He opened them again and looked at the red numbers on the display of his alarm. The numbers were blurry for a second while his eyes adjusted to the red light before he was able to read them. It was 4:56.

"Who the heck would wake me at such an ungodly hour? MUST KILL HIM!" Luke heard a voice say that he recognized as Lorelai's and jumped in surprise. She sounded sleepy. Confused he looked around the dark room and tried to find her, but he couldn't. What was she doing in his apartment? Had she followed him and slept here? Why would she do th_at_?

"What I am doing in Luke's apartment?" was the next thing he heard and again he looked around.

"Lorelai! This is not funny!" he said aloud and switched on the lamp on the bedside table. Last night she had thrown him out of her house and now she was barging into his apartment? Was this another one of her jokes?

"Luke?" came the answer but he still couldn't see her. She sounded innocent and confused. _You are a damn good actress Lorelai Gilmore_, he thought.

"Hey!" she protested as if she had heard what he had been thinking.

"Where are you?" he asked angrily. After all he was still mad at her. What she had done yesterday. Leading him on and then rejecting him was the most hurtful thing anybody had ever deliberately done to him.

"_Where am I?_ " she asked. "I'm on your bed. Where are you?" came the snotty answer. Luke turned around and looked at the other side of his bed, but it was empty.

"This is not funny!" he grumbled and got up and walked to the kitchen to start the water-heater. He would just ignore her, wouldn't speak to her. He would just pretend that she wasn't there. She had hurt him last night and if this was her idea of how they could make up again, then she would have to see that it wasn't that easy.

"Grump," Lorelai immediately replied and Luke looked around the room one more time, but couldn't find her. He plugged the water heater in and turned it on and then walked into the bathroom. With a resigned sigh he switched on the light and closed the door behind him.

"Urgh, too bright," he heard Lorelai complain and wrinkled his forehead in confusion. Her voice was just as clear as it had been in his bedroom. It wasn't muted by the closed door as it should have been. This was starting to freak him out. He tiptoed to his bathtub and yanked the shower curtain back, but the bathtub was empty, Lorelai wasn't in there.

He sighed again and went over to the sink to brush his teeth before he showered. He had never understood why some people brushed their teeth in the shower. The thought of standing in the foam he had just spat out crept him out so much, that he hadn't ever considered it.

Should he really shower? Lorelai was acting really strange and who knew where she really was. Anything was possible when Lorelai Gilmore was around. She would probably even stomp into the bathroom just to make him feel uncomfortable and have her fun with it. He heard her snort. This was really freaking him out, but he shook his head and decided again to just ignore the voice.

He took his blue toothbrush out of the holder and squeezed some toothpaste on it. He held it under the water for a second and started to brush his teeth while he turned the water off again. The fact that he wasn't feeling completely himself this morning, was not the fault of the environment, he decided.

"_Urgh! That's mint-toothpaste_," he heard Lorelai say suddenly and his toothbrush fell noisily into the sink. The shock was slow to wear off. He lifted his head in slow motion, suddenly afraid of what he might see in the mirror.

"_Please don't let this be Freaky Friday re-enacted_!" he heard Lorelai's toneless voice again but had no idea what she was talking about or where she was.

His eyes were still focused on the sink and carefully he peeked at the mirror.

Of course the only thing he saw was his own, tired face. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was sticking out and he still wore the same green shirt he had gone to sleep in the night before. His stubble was a bit too long and he would need a shave today. He was still Luke Danes.

Relief flooded him. This was no alternate universe and he still looked like himself. For a second he had expected to see Lorelai when he looked into the mirror, although that was impossible. Things like that only happened in movies, but not in real life.

"_No!"_ he heard Lorelai exclaim and part of him felt shocked all of a sudden. It felt like he was split right in the middle. One part was relieved, the other shocked. Lorelai was shocked. He could feel her shock and panic like it was his own, but his own feeling of relief was still there at the same time. Was he losing his mind? Was he still asleep? He was confused and he could feel that she was confused as well.

"I can hear what you're saying," Luke said stunned and stared wide eyed into the mirror, as if he could see her in his eyes. They were still as blue as they had always been, no miniature Lorelai in there.

"_I can see what you are seeing, feel what you are feeling and hear what you are thinking,_" Lorelai's frantic voice replied, while he kept staring into the mirror with wide eyes.

_I'm losing my mind_, they thought and said at the same moment and Luke's body shuddered in horror.

"Oh god!" they both exclaimed at the same time, Luke aloud, Lorelai in his head.

**TBC**


	3. Denial

Thanks again to **Grizzly **for betaing, super fast as always.

Thanks to **Copop** for blocking my brain with that mirror scene, it's still not out and I am actually thinking about writing it down just to get it out.

Thanks to **gilmoregirl1979** for helping me with the start of this chapter by offering her advice and opinion.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.

Yes, the book I was talking about it _"The host_" by Stephenie Meyer. Amazing book, really well written and it doesn't matter if you don't like her Twilight series, I am not so fond of it either.

**Disclaimer:** As always: I don't own anything concerning GG, other than my DVD boxes.

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**Chapter 2: Denial**

Lorelai awoke slightly before six o'clock and she didn't feel very good at all. Her head was hurting as if she had cried for hours last night, when in reality she hadn't shed a single tear. Not because she wasn't upset by the fight with Luke, but because she was too sad to cry.

Even with closed eyes she knew that it was still dark outside and therefore way too early for her to get up. She never got up before dawn. But while part of her was still too tired to even open her eyes, another part of her seemed strangely agitated and awake.

"Finally!" she suddenly heard Luke exclaim and her eyes shot open. She didn't look left or right though, but she just kept staring at the ceiling. After all she was still mad at him, even if he had now come crawling back to her begging for forgiveness.

"What are you doing here?" she groaned and closed her eyes again.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Luke asked and again she opened her eyes. She still refused to look at him, although she wasn't sure where exactly he was; she turned her head to the right and glanced at the alarm-clock, saw that she had been right and it really was too early to get up.

"Go away," she muttered and closed her eyes again, rolled on her side and snuggled into her warm and cozy pillow.

"Please, tell me you are not going back to sleep. I've been up for at least two hours while you kept snoozing," he complained.

"You said snoozing," she smiled slightly, already too far in sleep land to remember that she was angry at him.

"Lorelai," he said unnerved and really woke her up this time. What was he thinking? Last night he yelled at her and this morning he was coming into her bedroom and telling her when to get up?

"Luke, just go away and leave me alone! I don't know what's creepier: That you broke into my house or that you were obviously watching me sleep for hours," she said angrily, opening her eyes and looking around the room, only to find it empty. That Luke was obviously hiding made her even angrier and her tiredness got washed away by the anger that welled up in her.

"I swear to god I will find you Luke Danes and then I am going to kick your butt for waking me up this early! If this is your idea of an apology for last night then you are in for a surprise my friend," she ranted and jumped out of bed.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Lorelai," he replied and sounded confused. She wouldn't let him fool her though and crouched down to look under her bed, before she walked over to her closet and looked in it. She checked behind the door and under her clothes on the armchair in the corner, but couldn't find him.

After searching in her bedroom she extended the search to the bathroom and the hallway, still without success. And the longer she searched the more her anger diminished and the search started to become fun. Of course, she wouldn't admit that when she found him, but for the moment she liked this game they were playing.

"What are doing?" Luke asked several times and his voice always sounded like he was standing directly in front of her.

When she was out of ideas of where else he could be, she started humming quietly. She knew he couldn't be downstairs, because his voice had been too loud, but at the same time she couldn't find him upstairs. However she wasn't willing to give in.

"Stop humming! Even that Coyote film didn't make the song better," Luke grumbled suddenly.

"One way or another, I'm gonna find ya, I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha," she started singing aloud to drown out Luke's voice so she could concentrate on where he could be.

"Jeez, would you stop that! You're giving me a headache," he complained, but no matter how loudly she sang his voice didn't get any quieter. It was like… like he was in her head.

The song got stuck in her throat and her jaw dropped. That was impossible, but at the same time it was the only thing that made sense.

"Finally!" Luke said, as though he had read her thoughts.

"This is impossible!" she exclaimed, hurrying back into her bedroom and slamming the door shut behind her. She wouldn't let him fool her. She checked her ears for earphones, but didn't find any.

"Look," the Luke voice started again and didn't sound the tiniest bit muted by the door, "I've been trying to figure this out for several hours now, but the only solution that makes sense is what you just thought: I am in your head. I know it sounds impossible, but I can actually hear what you are thinking so you can stop telling me to "Shut up, just shut up," at the moment. I can see that your eyes are roaming through the room at warp speed and actually I would be thankful if you could stop that because you're making us dizzy. I don't know what this is or how it happened, but I am just as stuck in this situation as you are, probably even more so, since you're the one controlling the body here," Luke told her.

Lorelai stopped looking around and focused on the doorknob, trying to come up with a solution or a logical explanation at least, but she couldn't find one or the other.

"This is not happening," she finally decided, took a deep breath and stepped away from the door. It was now half past six and she knew that she couldn't go back to sleep again. She was up half an hour early and that would give her more time to get ready for the day. Maybe this was only happening because she was so tired still,. Maybe a nice hot shower could help.

"Oh no," the Luke-voice in her head said, but she decided to ignore him from now on.

She picked out the clothes she would wear today, made sure she grabbed some lacy panties and she could actually feel him blush in her head. _Ha! Take that_, she thought and grinned.

With her short black skirt, her dark red blouse and the lacy bra to match the panties she walked into the bathroom. She switched on the light and started the shower so that the water could heat up.

"Lorelai, this is not a good idea," she heard Luke groan, but decided to ignore him. _This is not real_, he heard her thinking and groaned again. "It is pretty real to me if you are going to undress now," he said, but she wouldn't listen. Instead she walked over to the sink, took her toothbrush, squeezed toothpaste on it, held it under the water and then started brushing her teeth.

"Urgh! What is that? Does the toothpaste really taste like cinnamon?" Luke complained and Lorelai kept brushing.

"Could you at least turn the water off? You are wasting money and besides it's not good for the environment. There are parts of the world where people don't even have a gallon of water every day and here you are wasting all that water," he lectured her and Lorelai had to close her eyes in order to keep herself from yelling at him. Well, not really at him, because he wasn't even there, but at the voice in her head that sounded like Luke.

"This is not happening. I can't hear him!" she told herself after rinsing her mouth and nodded at her reflection in the mirror.

She could actually feel his discomfort when she pulled her shirt over her head and threw it on the floor, before she pulled down her sweatpants and her panties. She checked the water and stepped into the tub, content that the Luke voice seemed to have quieted. He didn't even interfere when she decided to use her vanilla shampoo today instead of her normal coconut one. She massaged her head while she rubbed the shampoo into her hair in slow circles. She tilted her head back and rinsed out the shampoo after a while and enjoyed the hot water. When she was sure that there was no more foam in her hair she opened her eyes and felt around for the shower gel. She found it where it always was, in the holder on the wall. She opened the lid and squeezed the blue gel into her left hand, before she closed the lid again and put the shower gel back in its place. She rubbed her hands together before she touched her stomach and lathered her skin. She looked down at her hands; and saw her breasts, her stomach and legs.

"Oh my god," she heard the Luke voice again and she stopped for a second before her hands moved up to her breasts, lathering them with the scented gel.

"Lorelai, please, don't look. It's bad enough that I can feel… it, but don't follow your hands with your eyes," the Luke voice pleaded, but she had decided to ignore it, so that's what she would do. She 

looked down at her breasts again and studied her hardened nipples, before she let her hands glide over her stomach and down her long legs. She felt some stubble there and knew that it was time for another shave, but she would do that later.

"I don't believe this! Please god, let me out of here!" the Luke voice said and she shrugged it off. He thought he was suffering? She hadn't even started yet! Her hands glided back up, stopping at her hips and lathering her buttocks, before moving in between her legs. There was nothing sexual about it, it was just a normal shower, but still Luke went berserk in her head.

"Lorelai! Stop this right now! I have seen your body now from your breasts to your toes and I certainly don't need to feel your… Just stop it! I am just as stuck in this situation as you are, probably even more so, but in making me uncomfortable you will make yourself uncomfortable as well!" he yelled at her and she froze. She could feel that he was really angry now, but after a moment, during which he seemed to realize how shocked she really was, he calmed down.

"I know you need to shower, but could you at least keep your eyes closed? I don't need to see everything. You can shave your legs or whatever, but please at least put on a bra and some panties before you do," he pleaded.

"You really are here," she said in a toneless voice while the water kept pouring down on her.

"Yes, I am really here," he replied in her head.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't know, but we have to deal with it," he said.

"Yeah," she nodded in agreement. He was right, denial wasn't working. With a sigh she stepped directly under the spray again to rinse off. _The shave will have to wait_, she thought.

"Thank you," Luke replied.

**Tbc**


	4. Bargaining

Thanks to **Grizzly** for betaing

Thanks to everyone who reviewed

Special thanks to **gilmoregirl1979**: Your music idea did it hon'!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Bargaining**

After the initial shock had passed and Luke had convinced himself that he had lost his mind, things had been crazy, but a bit easier. He had never been one to deal particularly well with new situations and tended to ignore them as long as he could.

He was convinced that Lorelai's voice was haunting him because of the fight and that she would disappear by the time they made up again. Currently, they were not even close to making up and hadn't talked since the fight.

She hadn't come to the diner since the fight three days ago, but he was sure that her coffee addiction would get the upper hand sooner or later and she would enter the diner again, talk to him in person and her voice would vanish from his head once he had the real thing back. He had spent quite some time sitting on the couch in his apartment coming up with that theory and it helped to ease his mind.

Of course, the Lorelai voice had a lot to say about his theories and she didn't agree at all, but she wasn't real so why should he care? He had tried different things to get rid of her, but nothing had worked so far. He had tried headphones, loud music and deafening silence. He had tried to distract himself with work and he had tried to ignore her and not react to anything she was saying, which turned out to be impossible.

She was infuriating- just like the real Lorelai, whom he hadn't seen in days. He didn't have time though to contemplate this particular situation further this morning because he had to go down into the diner and open. It was half past five already and he had to stock the storeroom before he could open.

He knew that the Lorelai voice was still asleep. He had learned over the last couple of days that as long as he thought quietly, as stupid as that sounded, she wouldn't make an appearance until shortly before eight.

He couldn't explain why he knew that a voice in his head was still asleep, but somehow he felt it. It felt like part of his body and his brain was still asleep, he was slower than usual, couldn't think as fast and had problems coordinating his movements sometimes. He often thought he felt like he had taken too much pain medication and that it had made him numb and slow.

He trudged down the stairs from his apartment to the diner, careful not to trip, because that would wake her up.

When he arrived downstairs he took a turn left towards the back entrance, where the bread guy had put the bread in front of the door, just like he always did. He picked the box up and carried it inside, groaning slightly under the weight of the box.

He pushed the door to the storeroom open with his shoulder and put the box down first, before he looked around. The voice and his attempts to get rid of it had made him neglect his work since the fight and the state of the storeroom clearly showed that. Several boxes had just been put inside the room without any system. Normally he would unpack a delivery as soon as he got it, because that helped him keep track of what he needed to order and what he still had in stock.

He looked around and tried to decide which box to unpack first, although it didn't really matter. His system was messed up and he had to unpack them all so he could start with any box.

He walked to the first shelf and found the fun cutter thingy, as Lorelai had once put it, and then opened the first box, the one right in front of him. He found tins with beans in it, so he put them on the shelf that he had once labeled "beans".

* * *

By six he had only two boxes left to unpack, the one with oil and another with flour. With a sigh he heaved the oil up onto the top shelf and wondered why he had decided to label the top shelf "oil". The bottles were heavy and it would have been more reasonable to place the napkins on the top shelf. But no, back then he had labeled the shelves according to how often he needed the things and so oil, which he only needed a new bottle every day had landed on the top shelf. Stupid system, he told himself quietly, so the voice wouldn't wake up.

The flour was even heavier and he was fed up with stacking the shelves so he just grabbed the whole box and lifted it up onto the top shelf, right next to the lettuce. He miscalculated just how heavy it was though and started cursing when his arms gave out. He should have known that with part of his body still asleep he wouldn't be able to lift a box that heavy, but now it was too late.

The box with the flour crashed to the floor, several packages ripped and he was covered in white powder

"God damn it!" he cursed and wiped his face with one hand, while he took his cap off with the other and waved it around to get the flour off.

"What a mess," he heard the voice giggle and groaned loudly, because now the calm time of the day was over. She starting laughing in his head and that made him even more furious than he already was.

"Would you shut up?!" he asked abrasively, put his cap back on his head and tried to beat the flour out of his flannel shirt, without much success. When he finally accepted that it was useless he stepped back from the white mess on the floor, left the storeroom and walked back upstairs to get changed.

Still wiping his face he walked into his apartment and blindly took a turn to the right towards his bedroom area where his closet was. He miscalculated the distance though and tripped over the guitar that was leaning on the wall beside his bed. The instrument fell on the floor and he winced at the sound it made when it hit the hardwood floor.

He crouched down and inspected the guitar carefully, checking to see if anything was broken. Luckily he couldn't find a single scratch and placed it carefully back against the wall, where it had stood before.

"Why do you care so much about this guitar? Do you even know how to play?" the Lorelai voice asked teasingly.

Luke was about to answer when the memory hit him.

"_Come on honey, try again," the blonde woman encouraged the small boy who sat next to her on a brown leather couch holding a guitar. He looked annoyed and the lesson obviously wasn't going as he wanted._

"_Mom, I can't play it. My fingers are too short," he protested, but looked miserable as he said it. It was obvious that he wanted to play whatever it was that she was teaching him, but he wasn't being very successful and that discouraged him._

"_Luke, of course you can do it. You just have to relax your fingers. Do it like this," she replied and wiggled the fingers of her left hand in front of his eyes. Her own blue eyes were sparkling, her lips formed a bright smile and her chin-length blonde hair bounced with the movements of her arm and fingers._

"_No, I don't want to," the boy replied and pouted, looking down sadly at the guitar in his hands._

"_Come on, baby," she laughed and tickled him, "play for mommy."_

"_Nooo," the boy squealed and started to laugh while he tried to catch her hands. She wouldn't stop though and within seconds he was lying on the couch, laughing loudly, the guitar still in his left hand. When he started gasping for air she stopped and helped him to sit up on the couch._

"_Now try again," she encouraged and smoothed his dark blonde hair with one hand. He looked up at her and when she nodded and smiled he smiled back, looked back down on the guitar, readjusted his fingers and tried it again. This time it worked and he played the first chords of Stairway to Heaven. He smiled brightly when he looked back up and she hugged him to her and placed a kiss on his hair and he felt loved and safe and happy._

"No," Luke replied, "I don't know how to play." The pain the memory had caused him was audible in his voice. However since she could feel what he was feeling she had felt it as well.

"You're lying," the Lorelai voice said softly after a long moment of silence during which he had walked to the closet and had grabbed a new flannel shirt. He froze when he heard her, anger welling up inside of him.

"You heard that?" he asked the voice and didn't care anymore that he had tried to ignore it or to convince himself that it didn't exist.

"I saw it," she replied. "Your mother was beautiful," she added and sounded so touched by his memory that he couldn't stay angry at her.

"Yes, she was," he simply agreed and went into the bathroom to change, which was completely unnecessary, but he couldn't help it. She didn't comment though and he went back down to the storeroom to clean up the mess he had made earlier.

* * *

The Lorelai voice was strangely quiet while he opened the diner and served Kirk his breakfast. However not only was she unusually quiet, but the diner was also strangely empty, which could have been caused by the bad mood he had been in since the fight with the real Lorelai. He hadn't kicked people out of the diner, but he had threatened to do so and had generally just been in a mood. He had yelled at Babette when she had ordered a burger without salad, telling her that she should eat the burger as he prepared it, or get out of his diner. He had burned Kirk's toast which hadn't 

bothered him and he had thrown a plate after Taylor when he had asked him about a stack of flyers, while the Lorelai voice had made him crazy by teasing him about it. His feeling of annoyance hadn't gone too well with her feeling of amusement and so he had lost it and thrown Andrew's empty plate after Taylor. It had crashed into the wall and the remaining ketchup on it had left a stain on the wall.

It was half past seven and Kirk was still sitting in the diner when Luke decided that he could use the time he had now to read the newspaper. In general he always did that in the evening, but the voice in his head and the constant fights he had with it were wearing him out and he was too tired in the evening to read.

"I'm in the kitchen, call if somebody needs me," Luke told Kirk, who only nodded, and then went back into the kitchen. It was a narrow kitchen, but he had managed to squeeze a small table and two chairs in there beside the huge fridge. The newspaper still lay on the table, where he had put it this morning and he sat down in the wooden chair and opened it, immediately flipping to the sports section.

"It's strange that I suddenly understand it when I read about baseball stats," the Lorelai voice said and he just grunted in acknowledgement.

"You know, you don't need to actually speak or grunt. Your thoughts are just as crystal clear to me. And I have to compliment you on your reference this morning, I'm impressed," she said.

"What reference?" he asked her in his thoughts.

"Ah, see now you're getting the hang of it. I don't want people to think you've lost it because you're talking to yourself all the time. And I am talking about your TV reference. Kirk's shirt really looks like John Boy's."

"Glad that you approve of my thoughts, but can I read my newspaper now?" he replied sarcastically.

"Sure, but make sure you squeeze in the entertainment page. As long as I don't know what my real body is doing I want to make sure I don't miss anything," she replied. Another grunt from him, another giggle from her and he could read his newspaper again. After the sports section he read the political and local pages, before he opened the entertainment page, so that she would leave him alone.

Not really interested he read about the new Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown scandals, read a review about a show called "Sex and the City" and finally a small report about a charity function in LA where they had collected money to help people with cancer. He gazed at the word "cancer" and then stared into space, overcome by another memory.

"_Hey, dad," Luke said quietly when he stepped into the unfriendly looking hospital room that had been his father's home for the last four months. William didn't reply, he just lifted his left hand a few inches off the cover and then let it fall down again._

_He wore one of his grey T-shirts that were much too big now and he looked tired and exhausted although it was only nine o'clock in the morning._

"_You had breakfast yet?" Luke asked, not really knowing how to deal with his father when he was in such a bad shape. There were better days and there were worse days. This was one of the worse ones._

"_Have my breakfast right here," William replied with a raspy voice and pointed to one of the IVs to which he was hooked up._

"_Yeah, right… right," Luke said for the lack of anything else to say and sat down on the chair beside his father's bed and awkwardly looked around the room. He came here every day, sometimes several times a day, but still the hospital made him uncomfortable. He dreaded coming to the hospital and although he felt bad about leaving his father alone he was always relieved when he was able to go again._

"_How's the store doing?" William asked and wrinkled his forehead while he watched his son carefully._

_Luke squirmed under his father's gaze and didn't dare to look into his pale face. He knew that he had to lie to him again and tell him that the hardware store was doing fine, although it wasn't. It just wasn't Luke's thing. He didn't know anything about running a store and he was at a loss when the guys from the construction companies called and wanted advice on which new screws to use or which power tools to buy. He was good at fixing things, but he was far from being an expert. His father had been a carpenter before he had opened the hardware store to have more time for his family, but he was just the son of a former carpenter and that wasn't enough to keep the store running._

"_Fine," he replied quickly and readjusted the cap on his head._

"_You could take that damn thing off when you visit someone in hospital," William said and jerked his chin in the direction of the cap. It was an argument they had nearly every day, so Luke just sighed and took it off. "Another haircut wouldn't hurt," William went on. He was always lecturing Luke about small things when he was annoyed with him about something bigger. He knew that Luke was lying about the store and Luke knew that his father knew he was lying about the store, but it was just too hard to face the problem. They both knew they were running out of money, but neither of them had any idea what to do._

_All their savings had already been used up and Luke was thinking about selling the house. He could see no other solution. William refused though and without his father's permission he couldn't sell it. William wanted Luke to keep it so that he could live in it when he had his own family. But what William didn't know was that Luke had already moved into his old office over the hardware store, because it was more convenient for him to live where he worked and also the place wasn't as big and empty as the house._

"_Who is at the store now?" William asked breaking the silence that had dragged on._

"_No one, I closed it for the morning," Luke replied honestly and rubbed his eyed tiredly. He had spent the previous night trying to understand his father's system so he could do the tax return, but he hadn't been able to manage. He had called his father's friend Buddy early this morning and had asked if he would help him. Buddy had agreed and Luke was driving over to his restaurant directly from the hospital._

_Luke worked at the restaurant when the hardware store was closed on the weekends and he enjoyed that a lot more than working in the hardware store. He loved cooking and he was good at it. It gave him satisfaction knowing that people loved what he prepared, as opposed to the annoyed construction workers, who couldn't hide their annoyance about the fact that Luke didn't have the same knowledge about hardware as his father._

"_You shouldn't close the store for too long, it's not good for business," William said and sounded really tired._

"_I know, but I have to drive over to see Buddy, he is goings to help me with the tax," Luke replied and sounded apologetic. He hated disappointing his father and it hurt him to see him so weak. The old William would have ranted about the tax and then done it himself, but now he was lying in bed, hooked up to machines and was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open._

"_Then you'd better go. The sooner you're done, the sooner you can open the store again. It's all we have left," William replied and closed his eyes._

"_Ok, see you tomorrow dad," Luke replied, giving his father's hand a manly squeeze and left the hospital._

_That had been the last time Luke had seen his father alive. He had sold the house. He had turned the hardware store into a diner. Both were things he had to do in order to pay the debts and make a living, but still he knew that his father wouldn't have approved. And that hurt, knowing that he had let his father down._

Luke snapped out of his daze when Kirk yelled something from the diner. He could still feel the hurt in his chest and the tears prickled his eyes, but he pulled himself together really quickly. Memories and the hurt and pain that came with them, were something he had learned to deal with. Lorelai hadn't, at least not when it came to Luke.

"I'm so sorry," the Lorelai voice sobbed in his head and it hurt him to hear her cry.

"Stop crying, it's ok. That's life," he told her and shrugged as he took a deep breath to compose himself before he entered the diner.

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him when he saw her. She was standing there in his diner, right in front of his counter, a bewildered look on her face.

She looked distressed, but as beautiful as always. Luke felt the familiar flutter in his stomach as the butterflies erupted and he couldn't help but smile. The pain from the memory was washed away by his happiness at seeing her again after so many days. After a few seconds he was able to regain a neutral expression though and he knew that on the outside it looked like he was just happy to see a friend again.

"Whoa!" the voice in his head exclaimed when it felt the full extent of his feelings for Lorelai, that he always kept inside.

**TBC**


	5. Guilt

**Thanks to Grizzly for betaing and pointing out the many strange things in this chapter, so I could change them.**

**Thanks to Debbie for always helping me when I am stuck.**

**Thanks to all the reviewers. I really appreciate your comments.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Guilt**

„Can we talk?" Lorelai asked without any greeting and then walked past him and disappeared behind the curtain that hung in the doorway.

She had noticed his surprised expression when he had seen her, but she really didn't care at this point. She had had the most awful night and she had come to the conclusion (although his voice in her head disagreed) that it was all HIS fault. Somehow he had caused this and now he needed to fix it!

When Lorelai had woken up the previous morning she heard the "Finally" she had become used to over the last few days. She was still convinced that she was losing it, but she had decided that as long as she didn't see white mice or the ghost of Anna Karenina in her living room she didn't need to see a doctor.

The second day that she had spent with the Luke voice she had started to wonder if maybe something had happened to Luke and it was his ghost speaking to her. She had met Babette though and she had told her the latest gossip about Luke acting extremely strangely. Of course the town had picked up on their fight and Babette had questioned her about it, but Lorelai had brushed it off, mainly because the Luke in her head had started one of his rants and she hadn't been able to concentrate anymore. So she had stopped worrying and had tried accepting the situation, but she wasn't entirely successful.

She stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind her without switching on the light inside the room. Since the Luke voice had entered her life she had become used to showering in the dark. She would switch the light on when she was dressed in her underwear and then start her normal routine.

When she came out of the bathroom she was still dressed only in her underwear, but her hair was already dry and her makeup applied perfectly as always. She opened her closet and rummaged through the various shirts and skirts, but couldn't find what she was looking for.

"Damn, where is my grey skirt?" she muttered and pulled another shirt out and threw it carelessly on the floor.

"_It's still in the washing machine where you put it last night_," the Luke voice replied slightly unnerved.

"Oh, you're right," she replied happily. "Isn't it nice that I have you now to tell me where I put my stuff?"

"_Yes, I can barely contain my happiness," _he deadpanned.

"Yes, you sound so happy about it I bet you're dancing up there," she smiled and tapped her finger against her forehead.

"_I would probably break my neck dancing up here. It's a mess,"_ the voice replied.

"I am not surprised," she nodded and hurried down the stairs to get to the washing machine. She shivered as she stepped out into the cold morning air and rubbed her arms with her hands.

"_You should have slipped on a robe at least_," the voice lectured her and she just rolled her eyes. She opened the dryer expecting to find her skirt in there, however the dryer was empty.

"Guess, you were wrong Tensing Norgay, no skirt in here," she thought triumphantly. She had learned the hard way that people would react strangely when they caught her obviously talking to herself. Sookie had witnessed the discussion of shaving versus waxing with the Luke voice in her office, after she had had a wax, and had looked at her as if she had lost her mind. The shaving versus waxing topic was still undecided, but she had learned from Sookie's wide eyes and worried look, that she should talk to the voice in her thoughts if there were any possibility that somebody could hear her.

"_I said washing machine, not dryer." _

"What? We didn't put the clothes in the dryer last night? But then they'll still be wet," she complained and put her hands on her hips, as if he could actually see her.

"_We? You're the only one with an actual body here,"_ he remarked dryly.

"You could have reminded me. You tell me a hundred times a day to switch off lights, turn off taps or eat fruit, but you can't remind me to put the damn clothes I need for work into the dryer?" she asked, angry at both him and herself now.

"_I am not your personal rememberall_," he grumped back and she could see the little Luke figure cross his arms in front of his chest. She smiled slightly because he remembered the Harry Potter book she had read.

Every time he said something she could see a miniature Luke standing somewhere inside her head. She could tell exactly how he would look while he was talking. He would rub his neck and adjust his cap when he was embarrassed. He would gesticulate wildly with his hands, pointing at random directions in the air with his index finger when he was agitated and ranting. He would keep a straight face when he was teasing her, but eventually the edge of his mouth would twitch once, his eyes would light up and the smile would break through. She could hear it all in his voice and if she heard a smile in his voice, she had to smile as well.

She grabbed the wet skirt, left the rest of the wet clothes inside the washing machine although she knew she would regret it and stalked back inside.

Back in the bathroom she grabbed the hair-dryer, spread the skirt out on the closed toilet lid and started drying it.

"_This is ridiculous,"_ the voice huffed and Lorelai saw him with his arms stilled crossed, maybe stamping his foot. _"I do not stamp my foot,"_ he replied immediately.

"Ok, ok, you don't. And why is this ridiculous? I need the skirt, the skirt is wet, so I'm drying it," she tried to reason with him.

"_You have at least ten other skirts in your closet, so why do you need this particular one?"_ he asked.

"Because it will look fabulous with my black high-heels and the cute black blouse," she replied speaking out loud again; she was alone in her bathroom after all.

"_Then choose different shoes and another blouse and wear another skirt. One that is dry and ironed."_

"I need this one! The linen guy is coming to the old Inn today to meet me and to make a new deal with the new owner. I want him for the new Inn as well, only at a cheaper price. Therefore I have to look good and he likes my legs, which look great in the grey skirt and the black heels," she told him.

"_You shouldn't let some guy ogle your legs just to get a better deal_," he muttered and she knew that he would probably start wiping the counter now if he had one up there in her head. Then she smiled and imagined how she would look in the outfit she had just described and even shortened the skirt a bit in her head. Her smile got wider when she could feel that he was blushing- as far as a voice could actually blush.

"Nice, huh?" she grinned.

"_Uhm... yeah,"_ he replied and it sounded like he had to clear his throat.

"Now you get it," she nodded and kept blowing the hot air on the skirt.

* * *

The day was even more exhausting than she had thought and by the end of the day her feet were killing her. She kicked them off as soon as she stepped inside the crapshack and let her purse drop to the floor.

"_I told you not to wear the heels,"_ the obnoxious Luke voice told her and not improving her mood with that comment.

"Give me a foot massage instead of being a know-it-all she replied tiredly and just wanted to flop down on the couch when the phone rang.

"Gah!" she exclaimed and hobbled over to the desk where the phone was sitting on its station_. See, I told you the couch is the better place for a phone! This is like putting the remote control on the TV_, she lectured the voice in her head and then picked up the phone.

"Yeah," she said, hobbling back to the couch at the same time.

"Hey mom," Rory replied.

_Wow she sounds down_, the Luke voice commented and Lorelai raised her eyebrows.

"Hey kid, what's wrong?" she asked and sat down on the couch and propped her feet up on the table.

_You should at least take off dirty socks before you put your feet on the table_, the voice immediately lectured her and Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Nothing, just a crappy day," Rory sighed.

"Aw honey, what happened?"

"I asked a guy out today," Rory replied.

_She did what?_

_Shut up, Luke!_

"Wow, what guy?" Lorelai asked her daughter and tried to ignore the miniature Luke in her head.

"A guy I met while I was doing my laundry. He came into the room, we started talking and I thought he was nice. So when he was leaving I decided to ask him if he wanted to grab a coffee with me."

"What is it with laundry and bad luck today?" Lorelai asked rhetorically, but then caught herself when she could imagine Luke rolling his eyes at her dramatics. "Bad date?" she asked.

"He said no!" Rory replied in a bewildered tone.

_Idiot! _miniature Luke commented.

"He said no? Why?" Lorelai asked.

_She shouldn't have to ask at all!_ the Luke voice muttered in her head.

_Yeah, because you guys are always asking us ladies out,_ she snorted in her mind.

_That's the way it should be. Women are not supposed to ask a guy out, _came the prompt reply and she had to laugh.

_Are you beating your own chest now before you go out and hunt?_ she asked him and pictured him with a loincloth out of fur, a lance in his left hand, while he beat his chest with the other.

_Stop that! I look ridiculous,_ he complained.

"Mom? Are you still there?" Rory interrupted the dialogue in her head and Lorelai realized that she had no idea what Rory had been telling her.

"Yes, uh sure. There was just a, uh, spider that distracted me," she lied.

"There's a spider in our house?" Rory shrieked.

_One, probably more like a whole family_, miniature Luke chuckled.

"No, it's on TV. Really hairy, but I changed the channel now, so I'm good," Lorelai lied again and tried to ignore the Luke voice. "So what are you going to do about the guy? Will you ask him out again?" she asked her daughter.

"No, I won't. It's not like I have a crush on him or anything. We were just talking and I thought he was cute, so I asked him out. My first attempt to enter the casual dating world and it completely sucked," Rory sighed.

"I'm so sorry hon," Lorelai replied sympathetically.

"I just wanted a casual date. I've never done that. Dean kissed me and we got together. Then Jess kissed me by the lake and I dumped Dean and got together with Jess," Rory sighed.

_I really didn't need to know the kissing thing_, the Luke voice said.

"You'll learn," Lorelai encouraged her.

"I just wish I was casual dating girl, but we don't always get what we wish for," Rory pouted.

"I guess you're right babe," Lorelai replied sounding wistful.

"_Mommy, why didn't Santa get me the doll I wanted?" a three year old Rory asked Lorelai with a disappointed look on her face. It was Christmas and although Lorelai had worked extra shifts at the Inn to get the money to buy Rory the doll she'd wished for, she hadn't made it. The furnace in the little potting shed had stopped working a week before Christmas and she had needed the savings to get someone to fix it. Mia was already doing so much for her that she didn't want to ask her for money and so she had taken the doll money. She had bought Rory a stuffed animal instead, one she could afford, but it wasn't what her daughter had wished for. Now Rory was disappointed and on top of that she had also caught a cold during the cold nights in the shed, before the furnace had been fixed._

"_I don't know honey, maybe he just thought that this rooster was a better present," Lorelai tried to soothe her, her eyes drifting over to the small tree she had set up in front of the bathtub, the only free space In the small room._

"_But you said that if I told Santa what I want and wish for it during the first snow it would come true," the child insisted and started crying, big tears dripping from her blue eyes and running slowly down her feverish cheeks._

"_I know that I said that," she admitted and pulled her daughter onto her lap to soothe her. Before the damn furnace went out and I still had the money, she thought. "Hey, maybe Santa just delivered it wrong and once he realizes his mistake he will bring you your doll," she added._

"_Maybe," Rory sniffed._

"_Will you take care of the rooster meanwhile?" she asked the disappointed girl and wiped the tears away._

"_Yeah, otherwise he'll be alone and I don't want that," Rory said and rubbed her face against Lorelai's blouse. "Maybe he wished to come to me and that's why he is here?" she asked suddenly and looked up at Lorelai._

"_I guess you're right," Lorelai nodded, relieved that Rory didn't seem as disappointed now. However she was still disappointed with herself. What kind of mother was she if she wasn't able to buy her daughter a thirty dollar doll for Christmas and keep her warm at night so she wouldn't catch a cold? _

_You are not a bad mother, _the Luke voice pulled her out of her own memory and she shook her head to clear it.

"Ok, mom, I have to go, I still have to finish my essay," Rory said and didn't sound as depressed anymore.

"Bye babe, take care and don't worry too much," she smiled.

"Bye mom. Love you," Rory replied.

"Love you, too," Lorelai said and hung up. She kept the phone in her hand and stared off into space for a moment, the memory of one of the low points in her career as a mother was still having an effect on her.

_You should have come to me. I would have fixed the furnace and you could have bought the doll for Rory_, miniature Luke said softly.

"We didn't know each other back then, Luke," she smiled. "But thanks for the offer".

_Anytime._

* * *

After the call from Rory she ate some Chinese leftovers she found in the fridge, horrifying miniature Luke and then she watched some sitcom that was on, just because she was too lazy to change the channel. She was also too lazy to sit up and answer the phone when it rang, although it was just lying on the table in front of her.

"Lorelai, this is your mother. Would you please pick up the phone?" Emily Gilmore's voice echoed through the room and Lorelai let out a relieved sigh that she hadn't picked it up. There was silence for a moment and then Emily continued. "I just wanted to let you know that we will have guests on Friday night so please don't wear any of these obscene shirts and do your hair for once. Oh, and be on time. See you on Friday, Lorelai," Emily finished and the machine beeped.

Lorelai groaned and sunk further into the pillows of the couch, annoyed by her mother's tone. The exact tone that she had hated even as a small child.

"_Lorelai! Stop twirling immediately. Everyone in this room can see your underwear. Sit down, put your hands on the table and stop fidgeting," an embarrassed and young Emily Gilmore said to her four year old daughter. They were at a charity function, the first one of the DAR that Emily attended and Lorelai just wouldn't behave. She was bored and tired of sitting still, so she had started to twirl around. It made the skirt of her dress fly up and Emily hadn't really cared until she had noticed the looks that the other women were giving her and her daughter. _

"_My ear hurts mommy," Lorelai cried and tugged repeatedly on her ears, as if it would make the pain disappear._

"_I know, but soon it will all be better. You just have to take your medicine," Emily replied and stroked her daughter's sweaty forehead._

"_Emily are you ready, can we go?" Richard Gilmore asked from the doorway of his daughter's room._

"_She's still not better, Richard," Emily replied and looked worriedly at her daughter._

"_The nanny will take good care of her," Richard replied._

"_I really would prefer to stay home," Emily sighed._

"_Trix will not tolerate you hiding in the nursery. We are already late Emily, so please get ready," Richard said and went away. With a heavy sigh Emily got off her daughter's bed._

"_Mommy, my ears hurt," Lorelai started wailing again when she realized that her mother would leave._

"_Then take your medicine and stop crying Lorelai. I don't have time for this now," Emily replied harshly and then hurried out of the room._

_She loves you, you know, _Luke commented on her memories.

"Stop looking at my memories," she replied, because she didn't want to talk about it. She knew that her mother loved her, but she couldn't understand why the opinion of others was always more important than she was.

_Then stop thinking about it, it's not like I have a choice_, the Luke voice replied.

"This is personal and even if you see it you should at least keep your mouth shut and not comment on it," she replied angrily. She wasn't really angry because of his comment, but because those memories still hurt and it hurt that nothing had changed over the years when it came to the relationship between her and her mother. It hurt and she didn't like it when people saw her that vulnerable.

_"Ok, maybe you should go to bed then, we're both tired anyway so why are we still watching that crap,_" he asked.

"Don't tell me what to do! I can still decide for myself when I am tired," she grumped, but got off the couch, switched the TV off and went upstairs.

* * *

Lorelai was crying in her sleep early the next morning. Not because of her mother, but because of a nightmare she had.

"_You could take that damn thing off when you visit someone in hospital," William said to Luke and jerked his chin in the direction of the cap Luke was wearing. William was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to several machines and IVs, while Luke sat on a chair beside the bed. It was an argument they had nearly every day, so Luke just sighed and took it off. "Another haircut wouldn't hurt," William went on. He was always lecturing Luke about small things when he was annoyed with him about something bigger. He knew that Luke was lying about the store and Luke knew that his father knew he was lying about the store, but it was just too hard to face the problem. _

"_Who is at the store now?" William asked breaking the silence that had dragged on._

"_No one, I closed it for the morning," Luke replied honestly and rubbed his eyed tiredly. _

"_You shouldn't close the store for too long, it's not good for business," William said and sounded really tired._

"_I know, but I have to drive over to see Buddy, he is goings to help me with the tax," Luke replied and sounded apologetic. He hated disappointing his father and it hurt him to see him so weak. The old William would have ranted about the tax and then done it himself, but now he was lying in bed, hooked up to machines and was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open._

"_Then you'd better go. The sooner you're done, the sooner you can open the store again. It's all we have left," William replied and closed his eyes._

"_Ok, see you tomorrow dad," Luke replied, giving his father's hand a manly squeeze and left the hospital._

_That had been the last time Luke had seen his father alive. _

_Suddenly the scene changed and it was Luke lying in the bed and she was sitting on the chair beside him._

"No," she gasped when she woke up with a start. Where had that dream been coming from? The pain that Luke had felt back then had hit her full force in her sleep. When she was finally able to think clearly after a few minutes, her own pain took over, the pain that she felt because Luke had suffered like this.

Seeing Luke in the bed did not only sadden her, but let her panic.

Why were they even fighting? Why was she stupid enough to let such a fight get between them? Luke was her friend, and she cared about him, a lot, judging by the pain that was still taking her breath away. She needed to see him, needed to talk to him, needed to know that he was ok; healthy and happy.

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, wiping the last moisture on her cheeks way before she turned her head and looked at the alarm-clock beside her bed. It was nearly seven o'clock and she knew that the diner was already open.

She needed to talk to Luke, she couldn't stand this anymore. If he couldn't help her to get the voice and his memories out of her head, then who could?

She jumped out of bed, hopped in the first pair of jeans she found, took a pullover from the chair and ran the brush three times through her hair before she was out of the door and on her way to the diner. The Luke voice was unusually quiet and didn't say anything at all.

She entered and didn't bother sitting down.

"Where is Luke?" she asked Kirk, who was the only customer.

"Back there, he told me to call if someone else comes in," he said before he started yelling Luke's name. A second later Luke appeared and looked shocked at first when he saw her, but then he smiled slightly and looked… relieved.

"Can we talk?" she asked him and was on her way to his apartment upstairs before he had a chance to answer.

**TBC**


	6. Anger

I can't tell you how sorry I am that it took me so long to update. However, I will not hand over my stories, especially not to the person who requested it.

Thanks to Grizzly for beta-ing.

Thanks to the FFmers who had to listen to my frustrated whining.

And one last question, since I've been searching and haven't found anything decent so far: Can anyone recomend a "Once and Again" FF with a normal Rick/Lilie pairing. Most I found here were about J/K or E/G and I'm into neither of those pairings.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Anger**

Luke shut the door quietly behind him as he entered his own apartment into which Lorelai had stormed seconds before. He glanced around the one room apartment and found her standing by the window opposite his bed, with her arms crossed defensively in front of her chest. She pretended to be looking out onto the street, but he didn't believe for a second that she was really interested in what was going on out there. He couldn't really concentrate on her body language though because the voice in his head had started talking again.

"Wow, I mean, oh my god. Luke I don't know….I never… I didn't know," she stuttered and he wished that she would just shut up and leave him alone, and that's what he told her by thinking it. He had always wondered if Lorelai just pretended that she didn't know how he felt about her, or if she was really that oblivious. Now he knew the answer, because by her surprise the voice in his head made it clear that Lorelai really didn't know.

There had been moments, sometimes only a second, when he had thought she must know. The tension had been so thick in the room and he thought he had seen the flicker of awareness in her eyes. However, now here was the answer he had feared. Lorelai didn't know that he loved her, because she had never even considered him as more than a platonic friend, who poured her coffee and kept her house from crumbling down.

When the anger welled up inside of him, the voice was drowned out by his own thoughts, and for the first time since she had appeared he was able to shut her up by sheer willpower. His feelings of anger and hurt were so much stronger than her recognition and surprise. The happiness he had felt earlier when he had seen her in the diner was replaced by hurt now, and he couldn't believe how much it hurt. All the time, even when she had presented him to new boyfriends, even when she had been engaged to the teacher, he had had hope. The hope that one day she would see him and consider him, open her eyes and realize that they could have so much more than this friendship. However her reaction showed him clearly that she had never considered him as her partner, and never would.

Luke was no longer able to differentiate between the voice in his head and the real Lorelai who was standing a few feet away from him. At that second they were one person, and for him the Lorelai in front of him knew what he was feeling for her and had rejected him. The rational part of him was just as erased as Lorelai's voice in his head, and the thing that consumed him was hurt.

He had been rejected by women several times in his life, starting with his first kiss when he had been ten. He had kissed Beth who had been two years older than him, and she had pushed him away and then had told the teacher Mrs. Bailes about it. He had been given a detention and a long and embarrassing talk with his father. William had wanted to know why he had done that and the only answer he'd had, was that he wanted to. He had wanted to know what it would be like to kiss her.

Every time Rachel had left it felt like she was rejecting him, letting him down because he was not enough, not what she really wanted and needed. He had tried to be someone else, he had tried to be who she wanted him to be, but it hadn't worked out.

His relationship with Nicole had just been another failed attempt at a relationship, and in the near future that would be official when he got his divorce papers.

Especially his relationship with Rachel had left him scarred and- he had thought- prepared for what would come. However now that Lorelai was obviously rejecting the mere idea of them being a couple by simply not considering it, he could tell that he had not been prepared for that blow.

It hurt; it physically hurt him to digest this new situation. His stomach felt cramped, his chest burned and his heart literally ached. He, Luke Danes would never be the man for Lorelai Gilmore, not even an option.

"What do you want to talk about?" he barked when he found his voice again. His voice sounded distorted even to his own ears, but he couldn't help it because he had to force the words out.

Lorelai turned her head to look at him. The frantic expression was replaced by a puzzled one. It didn't occur to Luke though, that she didn't know why he was suddenly angry; that she couldn't know.

"You have to fix this, because it's driving me insane," she told him because it was the only thing she could think about. He had to fix this, so that this voice would go away, along with all those memories that she couldn't stand. She gesticulated between them as she spoke, and when she had finished, she let her arms hang limply at her sides.

"Fix what?" he asked and crossed his arms in front of his chest, placed one foot slightly in front of the other and raised his chin a bit.

"This… us," she cried out in frustration.

"There is no us," he replied and his voice became quieter, somehow dangerous.

"I know that there is no us like that, but there is an us as friends. At least, I thought we were friends, and now we are not speaking anymore. It's been days Luke, days! Just because of some stupid fight. I am here to tell you that I forgive you and give you the chance to fix this. Everything will be like it was before," she said.

"Oh really? How generous of you to forgive me. After all, you were the one who started this thing," he replied defensively. He not only wanted her voice gone, right now he wanted her to leave his apartment, and maybe even his life. He knew that if they made up and he still saw her every day, he would probably never get over her. He could forgive her, but he could never forget his feelings for her, because they were in a turmoil every time he saw her.

"Are you still saying I was trying to kiss you?" she gaped at him. She flinched suddenly when his voice in her head laughed quietly "You were going to kiss me and we both know it" and then she insisted "I was not going to kiss you." She only realized that she had said it aloud when the real life Luke snorted. That together with the cocky smile she could see the "in her head" Luke wearing made her angry. She felt helpless and she hated feeling helpless. What did he want from her? Did he want her to admit that yes, she had wanted to kiss him that night? She couldn't do that because it would mean letting her defenses down, and that had always resulted in her getting hurt. Also she remembered his reaction directly after the incident when he had yelled at her "I am married". She knew that his marriage was over, because that's what "getting a divorce" means, but still she had wondered if maybe he didn't want to get divorced because he was still in love with Nicole.

"Like hell you were," he exploded. "First you try to kiss me while I am still asleep, then you deny it when I catch you, and afterwards you pass judgment on my marriage, before you throw me out of your house! And now you come here and tell me you forgive me? Are you cracked? I didn't do a damn thing, nada, rien, nichts. I don't need your approval of my marriage or divorce; I don't need it on my clothes or my eating habits. I don't care if you like my toothpaste or the time I get up every morning. And stay away from my memories, because I don't want you to know about the most private moments of my life, because I know at one point or another you will throw it back in my face by mocking them or passing judgment on them," he yelled and was breathless by the time he finished his rant. Lorelai didn't pick up on the fact that he was once again combining the real Lorelai and the Lorelai voice in his head. It didn't even occur to her that he could have the same problem that she had, she was simply too angry to pay attention to the small details.

"You accuse me of passing judgment? You criticized me for getting pregnant at sixteen. I never thought that one day you would use that to hurt me. I thought we were friends. I thought you knew me better than that. And then you yell at me like I threw myself at you and you should consider a restraining order. What if I had actually kissed you? What would you have done? Slapped me in the face and washed your mouth with soap?" Lorelai yelled back, but her voice didn't sound as steady as she wanted it to be. Luke stared at her but he didn't answer her question.

"I am not too far off, huh" she added aggressively and shook her head. "I want my life back Luke! I can't stand this anymore. I want you out of my head!" she cried desperately, pointing to her head with her index fingers. Lorelai really had no idea how far off she was, because she too had succeeded in drowning out the Luke voice with her emotions.

Luke didn't need to think about the answer to her question. He knew exactly what he would have done if she had really kissed him. He would have kissed her back without doubt. He would have wrapped his arms around her; he would have given into the temptation for once, and would have played with her long brown hair.

What really stunned him was her comment about him being in her head. Did she mean that literally? Was he just as much in her head as she was in his? Did she hear his voice? Was he seeing her memories and listening to her thoughts? For the first time since they had entered his apartment he looked her in the eyes and hoped to see something in them. He nearly expected to see a miniature Luke in those blue orbs of hers, waving at him. He didn't see gnome Luke, but something surely was different. He couldn't tell at first and took a step towards her. His anger was overshadowed by curiosity now. He knew Lorelai's eyes very well because he had gazed into them so often and they haunted him in his sleep. He knew they were darker when she was angry or deliriously happy. He knew they were light blue when she was sad. They seemed small when she was tired or distressed and when she laughed they sparkled in various shades of blue.

He was but an arm's length away when he knew what was different. She had dark sparkles in her eyes all of a sudden. He wrinkled his forehead and wondered if maybe he had just never noticed them before.

Lorelai stood still watching him, and wondered what he was doing. He looked into her eyes like he was searching something in there. She saw when he wrinkled his forehead in confusion and kept her eyes locked with his. She wasn't aware that her anger had melted away while he looked at her, but she realized at one point that she felt whole again. It was like he had the missing part of her and gave it back to her while he gazed into her eyes.

"Jeez!" Luke exclaimed when he realized in whose eyes he was looking and stepped back. That snapped Lorelai out of her daze and before he could react she had bolted from his apartment and stood out on the street gasping for air.

The feeling was back, but this time she was sure. When she had left Luke's apartment, when he had broken the eye contact she had felt it. She felt the connection break and her soul ripped into two parts again. He had kept one. He owned it now, and she didn't know how to get it back.

Suddenly she felt strangely comforted by the persistent presence of the Luke voice in her head. If her own soul wasn't whole, she had a part of his at least.

Luke had similar thoughts while he was standing in his apartment, an aching in his chest that made it hard to breathe. He had felt the rupture as well when he had broken eye contact. However he couldn't stand looking at her while she had his eyes.

**TBC**


	7. One

I have to point out that this chapter is unbetaed. I gave in though to a certain person who begged me to finally update. I will exchange it with the betaed version as soon as I get it. Thanks for your patience and thanks for reading and the reviews. I hope you joined me on my trip to the dark side while waiting. I guess I will go to this dirty place again sooned than I thought....

* * *

**Chapter 6: One**

Luke sat on his couch, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his feet planted firmly on the ground in front of him. He clenched and unclenched his toes in his boots, feeling the surface of the shoe beneath his feet while he stared at the phone that was sitting on the table over in the kitchen area of his apartment.

Once again he wasn't sure what to do and the nagging voice in his head wasn't helping him. He always tried to make his decisions alone and he hated being pushed and so he tried not to listen but that was easier said than done.

He couldn't forget how his eyes on her face. Thinking about it made him shudder, because it was so strange and creepy at the same time. After she had left he had hurried to the mirror to check his own eyes and had found them staring back at him, maybe slightly darker than usually.

It took him nearly two hours until he had come to the same conclusion as the unnerving voice in his head: He needed to talk to her again and as fast as possible. He got up and walked to the table where the phone was and picked it up. He started to dial her number and then stopped because her voice was right: He needed to talk to her in person to see that he hadn't just imagined it. So he placed the phone back on the table, grabbed his wallet and his keys and was out the door a second later.

"I'm so excited! This is like a movie," the Lorelai voice in his head said gleefully while he drove to Lorelai's house and he could feel her bounce up and down in his brain.

"You realize that if this works out I will finally get rid of you," he replied loudly, not even caring that if someone saw him he would think he was talking to himself.

"Either way I win. If I stay here I will have some more fun, if I go back it will be fine as well," the voice replied.

"You think this is fun? I recall you being just as desperate to leave as me," he shot back.

"Yeah, but that was before I knew that you looooove me," she replied in a sing-sang voice and he groaned. "Don't deny it buddy, I could feel it," she said before he could say something.

"I can't believe this! Should have known better than to let myself react that way," he muttered under his breath and hoped she wouldn't hear him.

"Of course I heard you, don't forget that I can hear your thoughts. And see your dreams and fantasies… pretty graphic last night, by the way," she giggled and Luke gritted his teeth.

~*~

When Lorelai came down the stairs she found Luke pacing in the living room. She had heard that someone had entered her house, which was no surprise because the door was always unlocked. However she wasn't scared because she had known that it was Luke, she had felt it.

She stopped on the landing and looked at him, waiting for him to stop his pacing and explain himself, or at least to look at her.

When he stopped his back was turned to her and when he turned around and looked at her she knew that he knew.

"Do you hear me?" he asked without any explanation and crossed his arms protectively in front of his chest.

"Loud and clear," she nodded and didn't move.

"I don't mean… it's… god, I know that you're not deaf, Lorelai," he started, wanted to make her understand, but was too afraid to spell it out. He gesticulated wildly while he tried to explain and his agitation would have amused her if the situation wasn't so serious for both of them.

"Luke," she finally interrupted him, "I hear you," she said and this time he understood that she was talking about the Luke in her head and not about the one who was standing in her living-room.

"Oh god," he said and sat down slowly on the couch behind him. It was good that she had the same problem and he wasn't the only crazy one, right? At the same time he couldn't help but blush at the thought that she had made the same experiences with his voice than he had with hers. Had he really seen her dreams and experienced her feelings? He, the real Luke had always wanted to be that close to her so they could share their lives. Now a part of him was but he couldn't be happy about it.

When Lorelai saw him burry his face in his hands for a second she finally moved, walked down the remaining steps and sat down beside him.

"Guess we're in the same boat then," she said when he looked up at her.

"I don't want to be in that boat! I want out… of that boat," he replied firmly but looked helpless.

"I can't say that I am happy about this situation. Little Luke here," she said and tapped her forehead with two fingers "can be pretty annoying sometimes".

Luke snorted. "You have no idea what it is like to have your voice in your head. It's driving me nuts and crazy as you are you even like it," he replied and she actually had to smile at his choice of words. She had no idea why that part of her liked being in Luke's head, but she knew there must be a reason for it and she desperately wanted to know it.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked him when he just kept looking at her.

"How do I know? You're the one who started this craziness!" he replied.

"I started it? How did I start it?" she asked defensively.

"You were the one who tried to kiss me and if I am not mistaken this whole thing started after that," he said.

"Oh come on, this is getting old, we've been around that tree and I am not willing to go there again. And we don't even know that that's when it happened. It could have been before while we were watching the movie or afterwards when you yelled at me," she replied and mirrored his position by crossing her arms in front of her chest.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and to not yell at the annoying voice in his head who was celebrating Lorelai's words at the moment and said then "Alright so what are we going to do?".

"Well," she started and drew out the word, "little Luke and me came to a conclusion right before you broke into my house. We think that maybe we two should re-enact the evening in order to see if we can find the moment when that happened and so we can get our … whatever it is back," she said and looked at him expectantly.

"Ok, I agree on one condition," Luke nodded.

"And that is?"

"Stop calling it "Little Luke" it's freaking me out!" he grumbled.

"That's what he keeps telling me... oh and: Dirty!" she giggled.

"God, make this work," he muttered and then said louder "So how will we do this?"

"I think the evening started when you came over with food and complained that I had already ordered food, which I couldn't eat the next day because your alter ego up here was refusing, by the way," she became side tracked for a second and then got back on topic. "So I guess tonight I will call Al and order Chinese food and you will bring the same stuff you brought that night. We watch the same movie, pretend Rory calls, because I don't actually want to make her call because I really don't want to explain this situation to her, and then you fall asleep on the couch and I bring you a blanket," she finished her plan.

"Will you make your mother call, because I talked to her as well that night," Luke asked.

"Are you nuts? She would send the guys with the strait jackets right over," she snorted.

"Ok so we eat burgers, watch a movie we have already seen, fake several phone calls and then I fall asleep and when I wake up this whole mess will hopefully be solved," he summarized and drummed his hands nervously on his knees, not really knowing what to do now. Finally he stood up, stretched his legs and pointed to the door.

"I guess I should go. See you tonight," he said and gave her an awkward half wave before he left.

"Don't forget the food," she yelled after him and heard the door close. She smiled brightly and felt giddy without really knowing why.

"This is no date," the Luke voice grumped, but she just shrugged and hurried upstairs to see what she could wear that night, which made the little Luke in her head groan in annoyance.

~*~

When Luke arrived for the re-enactment of the movie night Lorelai had just got dressed. She had needed a lot of time to decide on her black V-neck shirt and her favorite jeans. She wasn't sure how this evening would turn out. It could be simply a nice night with a friend, it could be incredibly awkward or they could fight again. Therefore she needed something sexy but not slutty, something casual but not too random. The Luke voice didn't help much, because he was just grumbling and groaning in annoyance- as usual. Would Luke be like this in a relationship?

"I see you remembered the food. Come in," she greeted him.

"Of course. And I've got a question," he said as he followed her into the living-room, where he the food she had ordered from Al's was already on the table.

"Yeah?" she asked and turned around to face him.

"Do we have to do everything the same way? I mean say the same things and wear the same clothes? I couldn't remember what I wore that day so I just grabbed a shirt. However you are not wearing what you wore that evening. Same colors, but different shirt," he observed.

"You remember what I wore?" she asked surprised.

"I, uh, the Lorelai voice does," he said. _Liar_, the voice scolded him.

"Ok… and for your questions: I don't know but I can't remember everything I said that night so I guess we just re-enact the things we do remember. Shall we start?" she asked.

"Sure, you started by explaining the movie rules and then we watched that black and white movie".

"Casablanca Luke. It's a classic and I am hurt that you can't even remember the name of the movie," she pouted and sat down beside him on the couch.

"Oh and we had beer," he suddenly remembered, got up and walked into the kitchen to get them. When he got back Lorelai started once again with her explanation of the movie night rules, which he knew by heart by now, also because the voice in his head knew them by heart.

"You can't squish during the movie because it's distracting. That's rule number one,"Lorelai started. "Also no talking during the movie. No exceptions during a true classic. And minimize distraction. You know, no shifting around a lot, no phone calls, nothing. No going to the bathroom. If you go, you miss the movie 'cause we're not pausing the movie. That's the only way to get the flow of the thing, okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, because that's working," he snorted and Lorelai had to smile at his annoyance.

"Okay. Here we go," she finally said and pushed the play-button to start the movie "Casablanca which they would watch for the second time now.

"Oh, I remember something I said!," Luke suddenly exclaimed."I asked: 'What's that?' and then you said…." Luke prodded and gave watched her expectantly.

"Uhm…Okay,. . .A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before?" Lorelai said or basically just repeat6ed what the Luke voice in her head was telling her, because obviously he could remember.

"It's new to me," Luke went on and didn't let her catch on the fact that he also was only repeating was the voice in his head was telling him. It was like watching a movie of the night from Lorelai's perspective.

"Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk," she laughed and started to really like this game. She liked how comfortable they had been that night and seeing it again in her head from Luke's perspective, seeing the way he secretly had focused on her eyes -ok sometimes on her legs or her breasts as well, but mainly on her eyes- made her stomach tighten with anticipation.

"Just start it up. I won't talk again," he said and had to smile.

"Okay, just one more warning," she started with the same teasing undertone in her voice which it had had that other night, "when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen," she informed him, just to tease him again.

"Hit the button," Luke grinned back and for a moment their eyes locked. This game they were playing was fun. It was funny to repeat exactly what they had said that night, pretending to feel what they felt that night. The voices in their heads made it possible and at the same time they were playing to get rid of them, which was ironic.

They turned their attention reluctantly back to the movie watched it in relative silence noth so engaged in the silent talks with the voices in their heads that they forgot that Rory had called the other night only disturbed once again Lorelai started staring at him however for totally different reasons this time. She didn't care how he would react to certain scenes, she just liked watching him and was glad that they were able to be in the same room together without fighting.

"We talked about dating," she suddenly said, remembering the talk they had had.

"I remember. I said that I don't like it," he admitted and rolled his eyes because the the Lorelai voice was starting another round of "Because you looooove me" singing.

"You said: It's a horror," she nodded, "and I said that it's the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet."

"I missed nothing by not dating," Luke repeated his own words from that night, but with slightly less conviction. He knew now that he missed dating a certain brunette with blue eyes. "If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single. I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma's," he went on and asked himself if he would really be single if he had dated Lorelai. Would they have broken up by now if he would have asked her out in the past?

"Yeah, but dating is the only way to find a partner," Lorelai said and knew by now that it just wasn't true. The right partner could also be right in front of your eyes for years and you just couldn't see him.

"There's the gut. I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone within seconds of meeting them. I feel it here. I felt it with Rachel. I felt it with Nicole. I was immediately relaxed," he said and had to smile a little when the voice in his head added _'You feel it with me. You're comfortable with me and I am comfortable with you. Just look at me !'_

"You've got the gut thing," the real Lorelai said and smiled back at him, simply because she liked his smile.

"Well, it's just knowing that someone will let you be. That's a gut thing," he insisted and fast forwarded the movie, which made her protest.

"I did the same thing at the original movie night!" Luke insisted and raised his eyebrows when he saw her pout.

"Yeah and you got the same reaction now," she grinned and made Luke laugh.

As on the original movie night they started Hardbodies after Casablanca, but this time Luke didn't fall asleep in the middle of the film.

'_Why don't you just kiss me?'_ the voice in his head asked Luke during the second movie, knowing that he kept glancing at her lips.

'_Yeah and then she slaps me and our friendship is shot to hell,'_ he replied with his thoughts.

'_Is that what you're scared of? That I will reject you?'_

'_It's not like she ever gave me any sign that she sees me as more than a friend,'_ he replied and looked at the real Lorelai once again, who by now had noticed his staring.

"Now you are staring at me, Mister," she pointed out with a smile and he shrugged.

"Guess we're even now," he grinned back.

'_Oh my god you're flirting with me,_' she told the Luke in her head in giddy excitement.

'_Yeah and you better say something before the poor guy loses his nerve again,_' real Luke's grumpy alter ego replied. For once though she found herself unable to come up with something to say and so she gave him just another, slightly timid, smile before she looked back at the screen, pretending to watch the movie while in reality she kept watching Luke glancing at her.

Luke was too excited to fall asleep during the movie and the giddy feeling in his gut was still there but at one point, near the end of the movie Lorelai insisted that he had to pretend to sleep at least so they could re-enact the rest of the night. Both were dreading the re-enactment of the fight, because neither wanted to repeat the horrible things they had said, but they didn't have a choice.

Luke knew she was right and in order to get his old life and his own voice back he lay down on the couch, rested his head on the back of the couch and once again Lorelai covered him with the pink blanket.

She looked down at him and was overcome by the same tenderness. She knew that he was only faking to sleep, but seeing this tall, burly man lying on her couch touched her. He looked so peaceful while he lay there and she didn't even think about the re-enactment when she touched his cheek with her hand, stroking over his stubble and brushing a strand of hair from his forehead before she pulled her hand away.

She crouched down next to the couch and stared at him. She couldn't bring herself to avert her eyes. She felt a stronger connection with him than ever before, she graved being close to him in a way that she wasn't familiar with.

'_God Lorelai, you love me, then do something to make me see,'_ the Luke voice told her and for a second she froze, shocked that the voice was suing the word "love" so bluntly. Was she really in love with Luke? She knew she was falling for him, but was that love? She looked at him and she stroked his cheek again and touched his lips with her thumb, knowing that this time he was awake and he would remember. She couldn't lie anymore about what she had done that night, she couldn't deny anymore that she had caressed his face and touched his lips. Yes, she was in love and now they both knew it, her and the voice.

When he opened his eyes and looked at her their eyes met he realized that she had her own eyes again, but before he could really think about it her face got closer to his, drawn to each other like magnets they both couldn't stop this time. Their lips met while she was still clutching the edge of the blanket in one hand and caressing his face with the other. They both had to close their eyes and her hands flew to his cheeks, and she felt his fingers glide into her hair before something shifted, changed, exploded and a flood of recent memories hit them both.

"_Who the heck would wake me at such an ungodly hour? MUST KILL HIM!"_

"_Lorelai! Stop this right now! I have seen your body now from your breasts to your toes and I certainly don't need to feel your… Just stop it!"_

"_I'm so sorry," the Lorelai voice sobbed in his head and it hurt him to hear her cry. "Stop crying, it's ok. That's life," he told her and shrugged as he took a deep breath to compose himself before he entered the diner._

"_Stop looking at my memories," she replied, because she didn't want to talk about it. She knew that her mother loved her, but she couldn't understand why the opinion of others was always more important than she was. __"Then stop thinking about it, it's not like I have a choice"__, the Luke voice replied."This is personal and even if you see it you should at least keep your mouth shut and not comment on it," she replied angrily. _

"_Can we talk?"_

"_Whoa!"_

"_Wow, I mean, oh my god. Luke I don't know….I ever… I didn't know,"_

Their eyes opened and they both gasped, their lips still touching briefly. They stared at each other in realization, knowing that now everything was out in the open, every feeling, every memory, and every dream. Their eyes closed simultaneously and their lips pressed against each other, their mouths opened while he pulled her tightly against him. Their tongues dueled passionately, nearly violently but the need they felt didn't lessen. She lay on top of him, and he could feel her breasts pressed against his chest, hear her soft moans, and smell the scent of her skin.

She couldn't think anymore, didn't even want to think because his kisses were too delicious and too arousing. She felt his stubble under her fingertips while she stroked his cheek, felt his tongue glide over hers and his hand on her butt. 'God, Luke has his hand on my butt,' was the first thing she could think and again she gasped, broke the kiss.

"Your voice is gone," she told him her own voice husky.

"I know, but I am here and you can listen to my voice anytime you want," he told her in the sexy Luke voice, a voice she heard for the first time, a voice that made her shiver.

"God, I love that voice!" she admitted before she brought her lips to his again, nibbled on his bottom lip and started moving against his thigh.

'Lorelai is humping my leg,' Luke thought in his own voice and kissed her deeper, more passionately if that was even possible. He slipped one hand under her shirt caressing her back with his hand while the other was still playing with her hair.

"Upstairs?" she whispered against his lips and moved her head, nibbled on the soft skin behind his ear, tugged on his earlobe with her teeth.

"Upstairs," he agreed and sat up, held her in his arms and grabbed her thighs before he slowly stood up. Lorelai could feel him through his jeans and started moving her hips again, however this time not against his thigh.

Luke had to hold onto all of the self control he had left in order to not drop her and maneuver them up the stairs and into her bedroom. Personally he wouldn't have minded taking her on the couch, the floor or the stairs. However they both knew that their first time shouldn't be like this. The first time that their bodies would become what their souls already had been for a long time: One.

**The end**


End file.
